Daddy always said, “Never get between a dog and its food.” Sad to say, two fools proved his point Friday week and I’m sorry that I was the one at fault – at least according to Daddy’s adage. I was so tired of sitting with appendages elevated that I begged Hubby to take me out to lunch. He is such a protective caretaker that for a solid week, anywhere we went, I had been curb-side-delivered. This time I insisted on walking from the parking space to the restaurant. I needed to stretch my good leg. Granted, I had a slow shuffle but no cars were coming – at least when we started toward the sidewalk.
About the time I got half way across the two lanes, a silver SUV carrying two attractive, 30ish looking women turned left and started toward us. Dearest Hubby, my gentleman, who always walks between me and traffic, held up his hand like a school crossing guard warning her to stop or go around. Anybody with an eyeball in their head could see me shuffling from a mile away with my two ankles, right knee, and right wrist in braces. She kept coming.
She was not a happy woman. After all, how dare I impede her progress and delay her lunch? I wasn’t happy. Hubs was furious. At least she finally stopped. She could’ve and should’ve gone into the other lane and proceeded merrily on her way but NO; she crept close enough to see my black eyes and bruised chin. And then, just as I made it as far as her passenger side headlight, she laid on her horn. I’m fixin to tell you that I lost three lives at that moment. I looked up and both haints had their heads turned up, laughing uproariously. She jerked her SUV and whisked around us before I could even cuss.
Sweet hubby, my knight in shining armor, whose right foot was just inches from her rear tire, hit the side of the vehicle as hard as he could with his hand. He made quite a satisfying noise. Thank goodness nothing was hurt but my feelings and Hubby’s hand
And so:
* For the driver, I wish endless gridlock on I-285 when she needs to pee really bad.
* For her passenger, I wish her being stuck in a checkout line the day after Thanksgiving behind a woman with 85 coupons and 4 kids.
* For my readers, I wish you remember my dictum, “Never get between two Bitches and their Chick-fil-A® sandwich.”
You go, Hubs!
Jeeze, people can be so mean. The witches live up to their definition from the English Dictionary:
1.a female dog or other female canine animal, such as a wolf
2.offensive slang a malicious, spiteful, or coarse woman
What happened to you car accident? I work too much but seen you had posted something. Get better next time you need back up I am the woman for you…..we could kick butt and leave em crying.
Wonderful little post, sweetheart!
Loved your story! Denise